im so
tired
I Have To Be Up Early. It’s Too Late To Sleep.

my mind
is
screaming

it’s desperate
for

something
Perhaps A Relief From Boredom? It Does Hate Boredom.

it feels like
it’s right there
right in front of me
but
behind glass
unbreakable
my mind is screaming and pounding on the glass but
every hit seems to strengthen it

what is this
Sleep Deprivation.
no
but yes
not exactly

it’s

more

it’s the stimulants
Partially.
tiredness + minor sleep deprivation + stimulants
Minor, Yes.

i just
want
something
to happen

but everything
is so

far

it’s anxiety
i’m anxious

but not
like
anxious
that something will happen

anxious that nothing will

the tightness in my chest
nausea but
in my chest
almost dizzy

it hurts

but not
pain

is it pain? i don’t know

screaming

that’s the only way i can describe my mind

maybe it’s screaming in pain
maybe it’s screaming in desperation

maybe

maybe all of those

i don’t know

Both. im tired leave me alone

Stop.
stop what
Writing.
but this is fun
There Are Other Things To Do.
it won’t let me do them
What Is It?
it
Why?
i don’t know
Yes You Do.
i don’t want to say
If You Don’t Say, You’re Lying.
i know but i donStop Making Excuses.
but
You’re Lying To The People Who Care About You.
but i’m not! they know the situation
No, They Know What You Tell Them.
i tell them the truth
You Embellish The Truth.
not in my favor! Liar.
stop
Fraud.
please stop
You’re Just A Perverted Fuck Who Sits At Home Doing Nothing Of Value Tricking People Into Liking You So You Can Take Advantage Of Them.
why are you doing this
Why Do You Let Me.

ok but back to your previous point it’s not that i’m not in control it’s that i’m not in control right now
What’s The Difference?
i am only a slave until it is over
Why Do You Do It In The First Place?
because most of the time this doesn’t happen
Still.
i don’t have a problem i’m just having the equivalent of a bad trip. you know this, i know this, why are we having this discussion
Why Do You Keep Writing It. Clearly You Want It To Be Read.
no i’m just bored
You’re Really Sounding Like You Have A Problem. Are You Sure You Want To Publish This?
i don’t see why not. if anyone doesn’t believe me that this is just the ramblings of a sleep deprived brain artificially kept awake and there’s no substance to it then that’s their problem
Fair.

the screaming stopped
That’s Good.

i really am fine, just a spike of anxiety
I Know.
hindsight’s 20/20 eh